Sunday, June 2, 2013

Slowly But Surely...

       So I know that no one knows this about me. But basically I've been on a diet of some kind since I was 8.
        My mom put me on Herbalife at 8 to slim me down for pageants and singing. Then at 12 I went to a diet clinic and was prescribed diet, water and potassium pills. They also gave me the famous diet shake meals. For the first year I dropped like 50 lbs just from eating less from being on the pills. I hardly ever drank the shakes. I eventually learned that if I took a diet pill in the morning, then one at lunch, I really didn't need to eat except for once every two or three days. And my poor mom trusted me to follow the instructions on taking them, so she let me keep the pills myself. About eighth grade I was in first period and couldn't stop shaking. I hadn't eaten in a week, so my dad brought the shakes to the nurse and they made me drink one twice a day the whole year. Little did they know that was the ONLY thing I was eating...the whole year. I went on like this the end of my sophomore year in high school. The weight clinic got shut down yet I had another year's supply of Meds and shakes stored up. So basically in a nutshell, me, food, and my weight have always had a bazaar relationship. 
       Fast forward to today. I have a husband, my second marriage, who thinks I'm sexy and beautiful no matter how big I am. So with no bad motivation...I'm ashamed to say I weigh 240 lbs. So I have to retrain myself how to eat to get this weight off enough to be able to exercise. I've also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia so losing the weight will help with the pain. 
        So there...I've come clean to the world. I've always known its an uphill battle but I've only started to feel the pain of it these past three years. I was always motivated by the need to be loved or approved of. My firefighter loves me for me. Not my weight or looks. So now I am doing this for me...and only me. 
......let us pray....

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